Mom confessions…I confess to these parenting tricks…

Santa calls App for the ultimate in parental mind trickery!Thank goodness my kids aren’t old enough to understand the mind tricks I’m pulling right now. Part of me feels slightly guilty when she is being bad and we pull up the Parents Calling Santa app. Without fail when the jingle bells start and I pull the phone up to my ear, she gets  so freaked out. The look of terror on my 4 year olds face is straight out of a horror flick. It only takes a “Hi Santa, oh you heard how bad she is being?!” and that girl is whipped back into shape. It probably falls under, you gotta-do-what-you-gotta-do category. But highly effective. Here are some more, please don’t judge me:

  • I do enjoy, dare I say slightly look forward to, eating their vitamin gummy bears in the morning and using their blue bubblegum toothpaste at night. Being a mom in this crazy world gets so serious, you just gotta be silly as much as possible.
  • When my daughter asks if she can have some of my glass of apple juice, I say, “it’s beer.” It worked up until my hubby let the future-boozer try beer. Thanks hun.
  • I say all candy has nuts in it…she can’t eat nuts…I am a bad person  🙂
  • Everytime I see more than two sentences per page  in a book they want me to read aloud I get so pissed…I Cliff Notes the heck out of those pages…I hope they are slow to read because this one isn’t going to last much longer. sigh.

But I got to thinking….I secretly wish that I can use some of my kid’s tactics on adults. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could just throw myself on the carpet-tiled conference room floor in a scream tantrum when you don’t want to look at that spreadsheet? That would sweet. Just scream as loud as humanly possible when your co-worker isn’t paying attention to you. Or best yet, pick your nose anywhere…even while singing songs on the church alter. (yep, that was MY kid up there digging for booger glory). But here is a mommy confession I’m proud of to reveal…I’m selectively selfish. I MUST, I mean must, depart from my kids on the weekend and feed my soul. I gotta walk in nature, I gotta write, I gotta meditate, I gotta tend to my community garden, I gotta hang with a trusted girlfriend. I got to and I ain’t ashamed of it. Ok, I still feel a bit bad but after I do manage to escape I feel more centered, more chill and frankly happier. It has taken me years to get to this point. But it’s a practice that is just that, practice. Negotiate with your partner to get away for your ‘soul’ time. You will thank yourself! Mommy confessions…I’ve said to much!! What is your confession today?!

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