Category: "balanced life"

Three ways you let mom guilt win

December 21st, 2017 | no comments

We are so fortunate to have Kallie as our guest blog again this week.  Her personal journey uncovering the culprits of mom guilt is so helpful. Enjoy!

Most first time mothers fail to see some of the worst challenges that come along with motherhood and parenting from the very beginning.

I know I did.

As I look back at what has challenged me the most through young adulthood and into motherhood, I have to give credit to the women who first opened my eyes to three ever present critics in every woman’s head.

There are two incredible women and authors—Dr. Brene Brown and Glennon Melton—who first identified the presence of these toxic voices most women and mothers live with in their daily life.

Whether you are a woman, a mother, or just a human being who loves books, I could not recommend two better writers whose words grace this world with timely wisdom, courage, and kindness.

 

*****

 

Over the past five years, I have slowly awakened to the large mental space that these critical voices have taken up in my daily life.

They begin as whispers throughout our girlhoods, and by the time we show up to adulthood we are often numb and ill-prepared for their onslaught.

Like unwanted guests, these critics always manage to show up with some of the worst advice packaged so pretty that too often we reach for it out of habit or desperation.

These sly guests showing up uninvited to the table in our lives are comparison, scarcity, and foreboding joy.

 

*****

 

Scarcity is the most elusive of the three.

Scarcity is the mindset our society in general has swallowed hook, line, and sinker. It is the belief that there is only so much to go around. That we are never enough.

Brene Brown puts it best, “We live in a culture with a strong sense of scarcity. We wake up in the morning and we say, ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ And we hit the pillow saying, ‘I didn’t get enough done.’ We’re never thin enough, extraordinary enough or good enough – until we decide that we are. For me,” says Brown, “the opposite of scarcity is not abundance. It’s enough. I’m enough. My kids are enough.”

In my experience, this scarcity mindset runs rampant especially amongst women. It clouds our perspective every time we pass by the mirror. It comes out in our words that are quicker to assume the worst, first about ourselves, and next others.

This belief that I am not enough and that there will never be enough time has punished me more than most as a young mother. It is the evil voice in my head reminding me of every flaw, every mistake, and every shortcoming. It is willfully blind to context and effort, and absolutely deaf to kindness and grace.

Mindlessly succumbing to scarcity’s lies leaves me grasping for all the wrong solutions.

Some days it’s the pressure to do and be more as I try to fight off feeling like I am less. For me this looks like ignoring what’s best for me and my family so much that we all end up too busy, miserable, and over committed.

Other days it’s that clawing at the back of my throat and the hair that stands up on the back of my neck, as my defenses kick in anytime I sense someone questioning my choices as a parent.

Scarcity oftentimes presents itself as this baited hook that here is proof that I am somehow less than enough. That nasty hook it uses is its twin – comparison.

 

*****

Comparison is the most often used, but worst measurement tool ever. It is always going to leave someone coming up short. We often secretly (sometimes openly) feel good about the times that it leaves someone else coming up short. It’s far too easy to forget how it’s only a matter of time before those roles will reverse.

Comparison is the critic that comes in with all the ready information of how everyone else is doing—better and worse.

For women this reigns supreme in how we look, what we wear, what we eat, what we buy, and the list just keeps growing.

For moms it comes in with every differing parenting choice, differing delivery choices and birth stories, differing child behaviors, differing baby gear, milestone accomplishments, feeding choices, parenting styles,…. A list that is both exhausting and never ending.

Reality shows me however that for every personal preference I have or choice I make I can always find someone who is doing something similar to make me feel good, or I can find just as many if not more who did something different or the exact opposite and subsequently feel worse about myself.

Comparison is the voice that screams that difference must equal loss or threat. That there are only either/or options at hand. It swims in the belief that if you are not with me you are against me.

Comparison cheekily promises us a feeling of validation, and then tricks us by leaving us entrenched in insecurity and shame.

The truth is that someone else’s choices or preferences hold no bearing on the worth of yours.

Comparison will always be there as a voice shouting its lies in the background. It is our choice to listen to it and believe it, or to see it for the false prophet that it is.

 

*****

The last voice I find myself wrestling with is a doomsday prophet that steals all my joy.

Brene Brown was the first person to ever put to words my inner resistance to joy. In her New York Times bestseller Daring Greatly she termed the third critic “foreboding joy.” She describes it as the mental reaction we have to a moment of deep love or joy. Instead of reveling in the good, she pinpoints how so many of us suddenly find ourselves instead “dress rehearsing tragedy.”

I have experienced this my whole life in various amounts, but after I became a mother my weakness for practicing foreboding joy slammed into me like a freight train.

Watching my sweet sleeping baby through our video monitor and suddenly I am entertaining thoughts of someone storming the house at night and kidnapping my baby before I can even get to him.

Driving along with my husband and child, laughing and singing, only to suddenly be wrestling with a mental movie trailer of our lives being extinguished in a horrific car accident.

Receiving a report of good news from family or friends, or find myself feeling like our lives are in a good place for once, and all of the sudden I feel a reactionary wince, like I constantly need to be prepared for the other shoe to drop.

Dr. Brown goes on to share that the people she finds experiencing true joy, are the ones who when faced with the temptation to rehearse future tragedy, choose instead to practice gratitude.

Slowly I am finding that true toy is experienced in spite of and right in the midst of this messy, scary, and wonderful life.

Glennon Melton revealed the powerful trifecta these three critics hold by saying, “I think comparison and competition exist partly because we believe that there is a scarcity of good things in the universe. And that belief makes us kind of small and scared and unable to feel true joy for others or peace for ourselves.”

Left unchecked, scarcity, comparison, and foreboding joy’s predictable criticism will always play on repeat.

They are the source of most of the mom guilt I have ever waded through. Not actual failure or mistakes worth mulling over. Instead mom guilt is a bucket load of shame we bathe in after believing these voices and their lies.

And we bathe in it over and over until we finally see it for the load of crap that it is.

*****

A dear friend and mentor shared some wisdom with me just after I had my son. She told me that the temptation would be great as a mother to constantly look ahead or look back and lament about where all the time had gone. She instead told me to do my best to focus on the present and enjoy each stage my son experienced. In short she concluded, “Be a mom that knows where the time went.”

This is one of the truest and most precious gifts of advice I have ever received from another mother. It also points to a deeper truth for anyone who finds themselves constantly fighting off the perilous advice all three of these critics have to offer.

Focus on the good you have to be grateful for today. Fight off fear of the future and what you can’t control with gratitude for the present. Resist the urge to let comparison and scarcity drive your assessments of yourself, your peers, and others you encounter.

Life is teaching me that any confidence or self-worth I now have comes from turning inward to find it.

This is where showing up counts the most.

I have to do the hard work of cultivating values I want in my life like peace, calm, kindness, wisdom, vulnerability, bravery, and faith. No one else is going to do it for me.

I have come to believe that as a parent, as a mother, as a person doing this internal work is some of the most important work there is to do. If I want to raise my child to be a kind, brave, and wise adult, I have to first be willing to become that myself.

Kallie Culver is a working mom, military spouse, volunteer addict, and a writer. She holds a Master’s degree in Public Administration from the University of Colorado, and spent her graduate degree studying employment challenges for veterans and military spouses. Having started her blog Untold Stories About Us during a crisis of faith, she is now a recently converted Catholic trying to live meaningfully with both faith and doubt.

 

 

Website: http://untoldstoriesabout.us

 

A Military mom’s journey to working motherhood

September 18th, 2017 | no comments
Working motherhood is like swimming upstream

Many women my age grew up riding the coattails of second wave feminism that brought more women into the workforce and made significant gains for today’s working mothers. I however grew up in a rural, county in Texas in a conservative culture that thrived on the anti-feminism pushback of the late 80s and 90s. In fact, feminism might as well have been a swear word where I grew up. On the rare occasion it was ever used, I remember most spit it out distastefully, followed by diatribes against its proponents as being awful women who hated men and threatened the highest feminine calling – that of being a wife and mother.

As children we tend to move through the world observing, absorbing, and parroting the views and ideas of those we are most closely surrounded by. For me, my entire worldview, for the first 18 years of life, was largely formed in a conservative, Protestant church culture and an insular homeschooling community promoting very strictly defined roles for women.

It has taken me ten plus years of struggling to find my way as a woman, young adult, wife, and now a working mother to fully realize the deep impact that growing up in this culture had on me.

Despite everything I was raised to be, life instead has given me the opportunity to swim upstream.

Buck the norms

As a young girl, I once thought of my future only in terms of being a submissive wife and mother-at-home, convinced this was the only gender role and expression of womanhood permissible and worthy of pursuit.

But then I went and married a man, who held the best of feminist views to his core, though I doubt he would ever feel the need to claim the title. He never even had to really think through his views about women much until he got married to me. In contrast to my upbringing, he grew up in a home of working women and a family culture that valued female independence, female capability, and family teamwork.

As a young 21-year-old walking down the aisle to a handsome man in uniform I was full of love, naivety, and rather clueless as to what I wanted to be “when I grew up.”

It did not take long for my husband to realize that it was deeply ingrained in my nature to rely on an authority figure for everything in my life.

Our first several years of marriage consisted of fights that circled round and round this gap between our beliefs and differing childhood experiences. His disbelief and unfamiliarity at dealing with someone who viewed herself as so dependent and so incapable, and my stubborn belief that female deference was my lifeline to safety and confidence clashed over and over. It was these fights however that taught me to be the woman I am today.

By learning to listen less to my fear of what others would think and more to what he was actually saying, I have slowly taken to heart a new self-worth that I never knew was possible to have.

My husband was the first man in my life to ever buck the responsibility of the male norm I grew up with – namely doing his work and my work for me. This was true for every area of life, where I had grown so used to deferring to a male’s opinion and final say. Personal growth. Personal beliefs. Spiritual beliefs. Spiritual growth. Financial education and responsibility. The list of what I had abdicated in my own life to be taken care of by the man was endless.

Unlike any other man I had grown up with, he was the first one in my life to actually want my input. He was the first man to challenge me on how little I thought of myself. He was the first man to push me to learn to think and decide things for myself. He was the first man to tell me to stop asking him for permission. He was the first man to tell me a thousand times, over and over, that I could work and someday be a good mother too.

In the fall of 2013 I came across two books that would forever change my outlook on myself as a woman, my desire to work, and my vision for my marriage and the family we could build. These books were Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg and Getting to 50/50 by Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober. They inspired me to start crafting a career path for myself that would include meaningful work and taking ownership in contributing to my family’s financial success. Even more importantly they gave me an invaluable roadmap for how to build a marriage and a family around a model of teamwork, partnership, and purpose.

Finding my path and the faith to move ahead

My journey into finding my own career path and into motherhood has looked much different than I anticipated.

The last four years have been a winding path as I navigated many of the employment challenges all military spouses face. This has included numerous hours of volunteer work when paid employment was not an option due to our base locations. It has looked like taking part-time and minimum wage work wherever I could find it. It included accomplishing my masters’ degree from the University of Colorado completely online and negotiating with my department to be one of the first students to complete a third year thesis option remotely. Other common challenges have included navigating months of separation for both my husband’s job and my own education and career opportunities. Sometimes this has meant deployments or extended work trips on his part, while I kept myself and our household operating at home. Other times it has been me moving ahead to take advantage of an internship or to set up house and start job hunting once we received word of a new assignment.

Through this journey I have had to reckon with the harsh reality that the culture in which I was raised did very little to teach or promote skillsets in women like independence, self-reliance, or critical decision-making. In fact, it often discouraged them regardless of how desperately I would later come to need them. There have been more days than not, where I have felt ill prepared for the path life has taken me on. Strangely enough however,

it has been through facing those darkest moments of doubting myself and how I was raised, where I have found my own faith, my own value as a woman, and my path forward.

Motherhood: A beautiful crucible

My latest employment struggles have been deeply interwoven into my journey into motherhood. It started with completing my final year of graduate school and moving alone during the third trimester of my first pregnancy, followed by my graduation and the subsequent birth of my son literally hours after my husband returned. Then came maternity leave followed by a months long job search as I navigated first-time motherhood with a newborn in a difficult job market. Prior to my son’s birth, I had built up an internal confidence in my need to work and the value I could contribute, only to find myself birthing a child in a sea of unemployment.

I felt like my childhood understanding and picture of motherhood now loomed over me like a nightmare shadow – constantly whispering that my desire to work and to mother was for me, somehow impossible. The irony had not been lost on me that the military community I married into also has a large presence of stay-at-home parents.

Let me just say this here and now, I have nothing against mothers who choose being a full-time parent to be their life’s most meaningful work. Raising and loving our children is arguably some of the most important contributions we will make in a lifetime. I know this because I have one of the most loving and incredible mothers, who to this day sets the bar on how to be a loving and present mother. I have slowly learned though, as I have navigated my own adult path that choosing to stay at home and live solely on one income is a highly personal choice for any family and that it is not the only choice that allows one to be that loving, present parent.

Looking back on the time I had at home with my son, I see it now as a beautiful crucible that formed me through exhaustion and a new mother’s torrential love.

Beyond my employment struggles, I was also internally wrestling through the loneliness, exhaustion, and mental fatigue that come with brand new motherhood and postpartum realities. I battled postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD, and struggled to find adequate professional care for it until well over a year after my son’s birth. Amazingly it was my son and his endless need for my focused care and presence that helped me dig deep to find strength and resolve within like never before. I marveled over my son’s every movement in wide-eyed wonder. I breathed in his skin like it was a drug. I clung to his daily routines like they were a lifeline to sanity. I never knew someone could be so proud over the tiniest little signs of growth. I still am.

What I have learned as a working mother

The double standard for working moms is real.

I never realized until I was an unhappy, unemployed brand-new mother just how deeply I had once believed the debilitating double standard that a woman’s ability to contribute meaningful work to this world somehow lessens her ability to be a good mother.

Throughout this journey, I never have once doubted my husband’s innate ability to be good at his job and a good father. I never have once questioned his need to pursue his Air Force career, or his love for work and flying. I have, however, questioned and doubted mine a thousand times over.

Going to work as a new mom is stressful and exciting at the same time.

I started back to work when my son was nine months old. Navigating three sets of interviews, my first salary negotiation, and landing my current position felt like grabbing on to a life raft in a sea of doubt and angst. Despite knowing this to be the right decision for myself and my family, I still felt pressure to hide both my relief and excitement as I struggled with advice I heard from many around me warning that it would be really hard to leave my son and place him in full-time daycare.

Working can help to boost a new mom’s confidence.

In reality, after years of education, minimum wage jobs, part-time jobs, and countless hours of volunteer work, I had never been so happy to land a full-time salaried position in my life. The mental and emotional toll that both my postpartum experience and bout with unemployment had taken, left me desperate for something to change.

Working every day gave me instant relief and an intentional distraction from the constant barrage of self-doubt.

The right childcare makes all the difference!

As I navigated this transition, it was actually my son, again, who gave me the most confidence I had yet to ever feel as a mother. He responded to daycare with joy and delight. He loved all the new toys, activities, and playtime with new friends. He slept well. He ate well.

His caretakers gave me daily encouragement as they shared his discoveries, milestones met, and praised me for the good work I had done with him so far. I have found them not to be competitors for his time, but rather some of my most unexpected champions. They have fully supported my routines with him and they became invaluable resources of new advice and expertise for successful and customized care for my son.

I went to work when my son was nine months old, and I have been learning every day since that my work and my role as a mother both matter immensely.

Everyday is a choice.

This is my past and my future. It is still an ongoing journey to reconcile my doubts and past with my new daily reality. I have found myself again in unchartered territory and am having to teach myself how to navigate it. Old habits and old beliefs die hard. In spite of this, I keep showing up every day to create a different future for myself and for my son.

Working is a great way I teach my child.

I want him to grow up in a world that values work from men and women. I want him to know that it is possible for men and women to make meaning in their lives through time spent in their homes with family and at work doing what they love. I want him to know that the best parenting experience we can give him is by being parents who are intentionally present, supportive, and loving towards themselves just as much as we are in our care of him. I want him to know that it is the quality of time spent with family that truly matters, not just the quantity.

Quality time and being present for our family looks like work and school for all of us during the week, bookended with evenings and weekends spent as a family doing all the things we love.

I am a brand new working mama, and I am just getting started!

Kallie Culver is a working mom, military spouse, volunteer addict, and a writer. She holds a Master’s degree in Public Administration from the University of Colorado, and spent her graduate degree studying employment challenges for veterans and military spouses. Having started her blog Untold Stories About Us during a crisis of faith, she is now a recently converted Catholic trying to live meaningfully with both faith and doubt. Read more from Kallie at Untoldstoriesabout.us

How to prepare your kids for summer camp

May 16th, 2017 | no comments

As parents you have the final say on where your child goes to summer camp. In the end you know best, and you should never send your child to a camp that you don’t feel 100% comfortable with.

Having said that, it’s vital to talk to your child and let them be a part of the process. They’re the ones that are doing the camping after all, and without their input you may be setting them up for a less-than-optimal experience. Here are some tips on what to discuss with your child when picking a summer camp that’s perfect for them.

What kind of stay are they comfortable with?

Summer camps fall into two categories in terms of stay – day camps and sleepover or overnight camps. With day camps, your child will participate in activities every day but you’ll pick them up before nightfall. With sleepover camps, your child will be at the camp site 24/7 for however long they stay.

Both have their advantages and disadvantages, and some children do better at day camps and some do better at overnight camps. Sleepover camps allow for kids to experience an immersive experience and helps them to foster their sense of independence. Day camps allow kids not quite ready for overnight camping the opportunity to experience a good amount of what summer camp can be. You should always encourage your child to take risks and confront trepidation, but you should never force them. Make sure your child says they are ready for a sleepover experience before shipping them off.

Also remember to discuss length of stay. If it’s your child’s first overnight camping experience, you may want to opt for a few days or a week – even if the full camping package last for two weeks or more.

What are they interested in?

Apart from type of camp stay, the most important question concerning summer camp is whether your child wants to go to a specialty camp or a general camp. The former focuses on one or two specific activities – think dance, music, horseback riding, sports, archery, etc. The latter tends to have kids participate in a wide range of activities.

If your child is obsessed with dance, for instance, they may do better at a camp that focuses on what they love. Anything else may be a distraction.

If your child doesn’t yet have a specified interest, sending them to a specialty camp in the hopes of developing an interest may backfire. General camps allow kids to experience many things, and can help them figure out what they love for themselves.

Don’t shy away from the “homesick problem”

You might think that as soon as you mention the word homesick, you’re setting your child up for failure. But according to Christopher Thurber, PhD, co-author of Summer Camp Handbook, and a spokesperson for the American Psychological Association, that’s simply not true.

“There’s a conventional idea that if you mention homesickness, you’ll just make them focus on it. But it doesn’t work that way. Have an open discussion with your kids about how they feel about going away. What’s most important here is that the parent gives the message that he or she believes the child can handle the stress of being away, that the child is competent at handling temporary, uncomfortable feelings,” he tells WebMD.

The more your child feels like they have a say in the decision making, the less likely they are to be overcome with feelings of homesickness when away.

Camp can be a great way for your kid to make new friends and learn new things while they’re off from school. However, if they have been struggling in a particular area of study, looking into summer tutoring services as an alternative is not a bad idea either.

 

Thank you to our guest post from Alex of Safeytoday.org !!

More than milestones – your free guide!

May 12th, 2017 | no comments

What a phenomenal summit. I hope you enjoyed the interview as much as I did!

As promised your Thriving as a Busy Mom – Essentials guide will kick-start your journey to managing your home, work, kids, your partner and yourself with ease. I’m so happy to share with you:

  • 3 healthy and easy recipes
  • Shared Google calendar that will save you and your partner time
  • Evernote app tips to help get your life organized
  • Mama Self-Care Planner (printable) to get more “me-time” in your life
    • Mindfulness video that can quickly recharge your energy from anywhere

Subscribe below to receive your FREE guide!!

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Creating a theme for 2017

January 7th, 2017 | no comments

As we enter a new year there is pressure for resolutions, changes, improvements or somehow stating to the world that you are dissatisfied with your current state. I’ve never been disciplined enough to keep a resolution top of mind for 365 days straight…who does, really?!

So, instead, this year I’m gonna roll with a theme because it’s more of an intention. And intentions are not so restrictive, limiting or have so much pressure attached. I’ve got enough pressure in my life, thank you very much!

This year for me it’s, FLOW. Ahhhhhh, I even relax just saying it. I don’t mean roll over and take all the crap that rolls your way this year. No. It’s not about inaction. This is coming from a place of intentional action. I interpret FLOW as a willingness to not judge the present and just go with it, pivot, embrace, fight, dance with it, ect. Because, after all…

“What you resist, persists.”

I wrote on my Instagram feed:

My theme for 2017!

Flow.

As in EASE.

Allow.

Be in the moment.

Delight in synchronicity.

Go with the flow.

Yes please! All of it and a side of 🍟!

Being in the flow probably feels a bit foreign for a “go-getter”, for a professional woman climbing the corporate ladder or a mom who’s just trying to figure out why her baby is crying so much!

This state of being is not an American value. Could it be perceived as lazy, bad mom, not career-oriented? So don’t feel bad if FLOW feels weird. We were not raised like this, this behavior is not rewarded in sports, taught in school or promoted at work.

But I argue that it’s the strongest place that a working mother can operate from!

  • Flow cuts out worry, anxiety, not-enoughness, or keeping-up-with-the-Jones syndrome.
  • Flow frees you to accept and then in turn, like the situation you are in.
  • Flow expands possibilities
  • Flow says “I’m okay”, “I’m a good mom right now”, and “I’m enough.”
  • Flow strengthens resilience
  • Flow doesn’t judge
  • Flow helps conserve your energy
  • Flow frees you up to experience life

How do you stay in the flow?

  1. Keep faith that everything will all work out. Trust that life is working FOR YOU not against you.
  2. Have awareness of yourself in each moment
  3. Don’t judge yourself or your circumstances
  4. Allow and don’t label it as good or bad
  5. Ground and center yourself so you have a clear head
  6. Protect your energy and keep going!

I’ll keep my #flow2017 vibe alive on Instagram and I hope inspire you to to keep your intentions going all year long too.

Leave a comment below about how the word FLOW feels for you?

How to thrive as a working mom podcast interview

January 7th, 2017 | no comments

It was a privileged to chat (and later nosh at Cafe Gratitude) with Jessica from The Superwoman Project about our current state of working motherhood, how companies can’t ignore half their workforce and what it means to thrive after maternity leave!

Her podcast in so rich with inspiring women, you must check it out. She can help you run your career like a BOSS!

In our conversation we covered:

  • Transition coaching for working mothers
  • Corporate consulting for greater employee retention
  • Challenges facing working moms from returning to work after maternity leave and managing their energy

Thanks for listening!

Motivating Mom Podcast interview

October 8th, 2016 | no comments

movtivating-mom-podcast

I’ve admired Lisa Druxman for her bad-ass entrepreneurship and her Fit 4 Mom business that helps so many moms! I joined Body Back because it’s the best way I know to fit in a workout post-baby.

It has been on my bucket list to meet Lisa and when she asked me to be on her podcast, well, drop the mic, dream come true!

I’m humbled and honored to share some of my favorite tid bits on her Motivating Mom Podcast. We covered my “secret recipe” for a successful return to work after maternity leave, my favorite self-care tips for busy moms and what it means to be “okay with okayness”.

Take a listen here.

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Do yourself a favor, subscribe and enjoy!

25 Working Mom Tips

June 26th, 2016 | no comments

The struggle is real for working moms! Lack of time, meal planning prep and the relentless giving of our time, our and energy to others. That is why this blog round-up from Thoughtful Journey Counseling of some of my most favorite mom-support experts is a keeper. I was honored to contribute a nugget about how to master the morning routine. Hope you enjoy them all!

25 Tips for Working Moms guest blog!

25 working mom tips

Mother’s Day Gifts Working Moms Really Deserve

May 8th, 2016 | 2 comments

Happy Mother’s day! You deserve a day of pampering, filled love, appreciation and joy! In honor of you I’ve gathered some of my favorite women to share some of their gifts that you really deserve. While most of them fit into a gift-wrapped box they are gifts you can give yourself every day of the year.

I hope you are inspired by these these self-care tips, practical advice and divine goddess wisdom. Happy Mother’s Day to you mama! Enjoy your day and take a little time to nourish your soul,Cheers!

mothers day gifts we deserve ThriveMomma

 

Gift of Support

Busy career women need a strong partner. Not just to open that jar of spaghetti sauce but a true ally in the day-to-day raising of children, managing the home and in support of their careers.  Emily of Women, Work and Life mentions ways how men can support women in their career and it’s a beautiful thing!

Men Take Note: What women really want for mothers day

 

Gift of time

So not all gifts come in a Tiffany box, but giving yourself the gift of time and freedom from stress is almost more valuable. Monica at Redefining Mom never holds back and her five tips on how to manage your busy mom life are the best. So go ahead and give yourself the gift of sanity.

5 Practical Time Management Tips for Working Moms

 

Gift of Recognition

And don’t forget the other working moms at your work. They deserve a little props for all the work they do too. Lori of Mindful Return gives some great suggestions on how you can recognize and appreciate other working moms you work with!

Celebrate your mother colleagues this Mother’s Day

 

Gift of Love

When we give love we get so much more in return. Courtney’s moving love-note to her cutie daughter Madeline is a great reminder of why we endure this motherhood thing, after all. It’ll make you wanna hug your little cutie a little bit more.

Celebrating my daughter on Mother’s Day

 

Gift of Peace

Life is stressful. Sometimes stress is thrown at you like when your child has a 102 degree fever or when your business goes through a reorganization and you don’t know what’s gonna happen to your job. Whatever life challenges us with, the key to finding PEACE among the chaos is about how we DEAL in the moment that counts. My Mother’s Day Momtra (mantra for moms) is a simple tool to help you relax IN THE MOMENT!

Mothers Day Momtra

 

Enjoy your special day today Mama! You deserve it!

What gifts are you looking forward to getting today? Leave comment below!

 

Mom self-care planner

May 1st, 2016 | 1 comment

mom self care printable blog

You’ve seen the sign “No shirt no shoes no service”. Well some days you have hit your limit and the sign should say “no sleep, no patience, no sanity”. We get run down, overworked, sleep-deprived, emotional, and it all starts to snowball until you just NEED A BREAK!

Have you ever felt this way? I sure have!

It all boils down to self-care for a mom (or lack of it.) Yeah, yeah, we have heard this a million times. But what IS self-care really about? Is it just a spa-day every once in a while? Is it sitting on a meditation cushion every day? Those are all nice but how realistic is that in our BUSY lives.

Here is how I define Momma Self-Care:

Moments, hours, or days spent in solitude that recharge your energy, level your emotions, heal and fulfill your soul that will ultimately make you a better mom.

A couple key things to keep in mind:

  • The benefits of self-care happen instantly like through some deep breaths or happen over the course of hours or days like at a retreat. We need room for BOTH types in our lives to have energy for this marathon of motherhood.
  • There is nothing selfish about being in solitude. Being alone without the demands of a crying baby or having to make another meal or the pressure of a work-team is NECESSARY to regain your energy. Oh, and if being alone makes you uncomfortable, it’s time to get requited with yourself.
  • If every break from your kids includes hangin’ with girlfriends or being around people, it may be more taxing on your energy than you realize. Consider mixing it up with a long walk by yourself.
  • Recharging your energy is all about slowing down, relaxing, stopping the busy mind and taking a break.
  • We deal with a lot of emotions, we experience the gambit of emotions as a mother and finding space to process and letting go of that baggage is necessary. This can only be done when you are away from it all.
  • We all need our hearts and souls to heal. Healing from birth trauma, postpartum depression, isolation of maternity leave, fears of failure as a mom, guilt from working too much…all can be healed through time spent processing and loving ourselves enough to take a self-care day.

I’m not saying that taking some time for self-care is a good idea I’m saying it so necessary that we should think of it as part of our hygiene.

 

Mom self-care is like a beauty regime for your soul.

 

Taking time to feel better should be as ingrained into our habits as brushing our teeth. But society, our mother’s generation and frankly on a cellular level it’s so ingrained in us to perceive this as selfish and bad. So we just have to embrace and heal that part of our dark past and welcome a new way of looking at caring for ourselves.

I also believe that frequency and duration are important. I was encouraged by a Mindful Magazine study that showed the lengths of meditations that bring the optimal benefit in relation to their lifestyle and the working mothers benefited most from a quarterly one-day retreat (as opposed to daily meditation or weekly one-hour sessions, etc.) This confirmed my intuition that for busy working moms we need a plan to get the right amount of recharge time into our lives at the right time.

So I made the Momma-Care Planner. It is a great worksheet for you to brainstorm daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual ways to regain your energy. How about that THAT for hygiene!?

 

Momma-Care Planner steps:
  1. Print it out and find some alone-time. Make it special by lighting a candle or play some lovely music
  2. Write out ideas: In the Ideas section write out your favorite and NEW ways for self-care. Dream mama, don’t be afraid to write done something you have never done before.
  3. Figure out when: In the When? Section think of times when it will fit in a reoccuring day of the week, specific day or month on the calendar
  4. Bonus section: this is the really fun part, where you can image something grand. Enjoy!
  5. Schedule: Get out your paper calendar or Shared calendar ( I use a shared Google Calendar) and schedule it up. Allowing your partner to see will hold you accountable and let them know you are committed to taking care of yourself. The second page of the planner has some examples for some inspiration.

Click here to download your PLANNER

Leave a comment below with some self-care ideas you have so we all can get inspired!

Looking for a deep connection with like-minded moms? Need more support running your family and your busy life? The Work-Life Contentment Circle virtual support community is starting soon! Visit here to learn more and register today.

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