I’ll take a cue from The Notorious B.I.G and instead of “mo money mo problems”, for moms it should be “mo more mo problems”. We have a big problem and it’s that so much more is required of us a working mothers.
After the birth of my second daughter, MORE was my theme. More poop, more mouths to feed, more people needing my time and attention, and more mom guilt. But also more mom confidence, more love in my heart for two amazing children and more appreciation for my man’s mad daddy skillzzzzz. While there was an external push on me for more I was beginning to feel the internal rebellion for less.
There is pressure to work more, the guilt to be with the kids more, the desire to have more fun, the need to make more time for myself, and more exhaustion from concurrently running a household, a career, raising people and healing myself. I feel exhausted, under-fulfilled, super thankful for an abundant life yet at the same time suffocating in stuff. Could less be the answer?
The list of extremes and wanting less while doing more goes on infinitely. I have a calling within me to stop the Tasmanian devil spin of my life and just cut the crap. Reset my life and start doing the shit that REALLY matters. Could I raise my kids without the media, the sugar, the BS of society, religious or family demands? Could I live on a farm and be content feeding sheep? The answer to that extreme is a NO, for me. But I’m on a mission to find the middle ground. The middle ground between an Amish sheep herder versus where my life might end up if I continue this superficial path.
So I want to commit to getting more of the “stuff” that really matters. Here are the mores that I want:
- More contentment with what IS in my life. This means I need to come to terms with the fact that despite how much material stuff we have, it’s not filling me up. More contentment is also about accepting what is: good and bad. My resistance to any given situation causes me more pain than the actual situation. Eckhart Tolle says “Stress is being here and wanting to be there”. I need to resist the labels that I place on my lot in life and look at it through a lens of acceptance. Real peace starts there.
- More quietness in my mind. I should read my old blog posts because this is all about MAKING time for stillness. And technically, you can’t actually MAKE time, you can make time for it in your schedule. Quietness for me is: meditation, dance, lovely music, nature hike, etc. Making time for stillness is key and for me that means less social media or less zoning out on the sweet necter of tv.
- More real connection with my family. Playtime uninterrupted by dishes/laundry/cleaning is real connection. Sitting at arm’s length and actively listening to the musings of y preschooler is pure joy. This again takes time and setting the intention. I’ve started to not do any laundry on Saturday so we can enjoy the day. Baby steps!
- More “non-time”. At first I started to write, “more free time”, but that implies that I’m somehow not free in my life. Non-time is about doing whatever the hell I want. No schedules, no rules, no agenda, no plan, no expectations. Can I tell you, that I don’t even know how to do that anymore! Kids do this naturally but being a respectable, stand-up adult has squished that out of me. I’m working on this one. And just being aware of it has helped me allow spontaneity to happen every once in a while. The ironic part is that you need to schedule non-time in order for it to happen.
- More energy. I use my energy level as the barometer for everything in my life. How does interacting with this person make me feel? Am I up for a hike or gentle yoga? Does sending this email suck my energy or energize me? I want to align my daily activities with what boosts my energy not deplete it. This includes what I eat, what I say, what I think, what I practice and how I interact with people. This is a conscious effort to say NO to stuff, to not “do it all” and to mama-tiger protect my well-being.
I guess I can’t avoid “more” happening to me in this busy life but I can start to focus on the “mores” that will bring the genuine happiness that I’m seeking.
What do you want more of in your life and what do you want less of?